Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
