I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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