Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
