I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
