Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
where am i from again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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