What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
