What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
