So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No subtext here. People are naked.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
