I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
