Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
