You just made me feel so damn special
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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