We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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