Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
