There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
