I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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