Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
