last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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