The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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