Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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