Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
