Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
