just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
