dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
