Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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