I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
