What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
