I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
