he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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