stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
