I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
