Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
