I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
