i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
