you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We got so high we made milksteak
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
