I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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