....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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