is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
