I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
