that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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