Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
