Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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