I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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