Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize