I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
