we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
