I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm like, not good at living.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
