There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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