dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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