is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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