Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
