I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
