for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
