just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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