Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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