i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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