you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
