I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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