You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
