I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
